Hip and not Hop

I’m worried I’m becoming that person that leaves their blinker on and doesn’t know it. You know that driver, they’re strolling along the interstate with their left blinker on completely without a clue. When I was younger I’d pass that person and think how can anyone be that out of it?!

Well, I’m not sure it’s about cluelessness anymore, since my hearing isn’t what it used to be maybe it’s partly that, maybe I’m afraid what it’s about. What is it that Gertrude Stein said, “one does not get better, but different and older and that is always a pleasure.” Well, we’ll see about that one Gert. But hey, I try to keep up, I’ve never been a person you’d describe as “hip” but hey I listen to indie music, I know that if someone describes themself as a “cutter” that doesn’t mean they’re out in the kitchen slicing tomatoes. I know the difference between the low down and the down low, ok, so I’m not dead, yet. So this blinker thing, it’s not really happened but I feel it’s around the corner. Along with crumbs on my shirt and farting at random. Life is just one slippery slope to losing it all, so we have to live people! We have to get out there, not be so afraid, jump out of airplanes or at least get on one and go some place you’ve never been. Stop comparing ourselves to everybody else and enough with the insecurity, before you know it you’re going to be dead so who cares! Live, live, live and turn your blinker off, you look like a dope.

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Traction Blackout

Nah, I didn’t faint while I was sitting in traction, nor did the rope snap over my head sending ten pounds of water flying. I’ve been doing my traction thing, just haven’t posted in a while because there wasn’t much to say. Not that I’ve ever had anything fascinating to type in this world of traction but recently I just didn’t find much that felt worthy of your time. Then I remembered my initial promise that nothing fancy or exciting would be happening here; the purpose of thoughtsintraction is to keep a fire under me and hold me accountable to sit here three times a week. To pull my neck so that it frees up some cervical space to ultimately allow these fingers to maintain their abilities. One look at me and you’d know I’ve been doing my part as my neck now looks like I could be a model for an offensive lineman’s helmet catalog, hey, here’s the latest chic cervical ensemble from the NFL, who knew?

So as a result of this lovely look I’m expanding my scarf collection; even though Summer is tugging at our flip-flops I plan to be wearing scarfs all season, hopefully in a breathable fabric, while eating apple pie, slicing watermelon, driving my Chevy and saluting the flag on the fourth with a very snappy star-spangled scarf around my super size neck. AND, if my collection excels and expands I hope to not only conceal at first glance the O Lineman’s neck, but secretly support all the screwedupness within.

Blackout lifted, fingers working, silly thoughts commence.

Traction maintenance

So you know how there are times when a website temporarily shuts down to perform routine maintenance; well, I don’t think it’s the same here at the thoughtsintraction blog but I did have to add some water to the weight bag! Two pounds of water had evaporated, and we can’t have that now can we? Can’t have only eight pounds of water pulling at the neck instead of the recommended ten. I’m being a smarty pants about this but it is rather exciting that I’ve been at this so long that I have to do things like “maintenance.” It means more than pouring some water; in fact the only reason I can pour that water is because of traction, it also means that I’ve maintained my schedule, I’ve hung in there. I owe you, I owe every person who has ever read this crazy, random blog and according to my stats that’s pretty many of you. I’ve maintained the hanging when I certainly would have given up some days if I hadn’t had a sense accountability to the blog, to you.

Maintenance is a good thing, Martha Stewart would approve. We maintain our cars, our bodies, our homes, certainly should maintain a traction device if you have to use one. Maintenance isn’t something we usually throw a party for, we don’t make an announcement when we get an oil change for the car, although some do I guess now a days on Twitter or Facebook, but we typically keep the maintenance parts of life to ourselves and in reality if we don’t take care of maintenance it will come back to get us. If you don’t clean out the gutters they will eventually let you know about it in not fun ways, if you don’t maintain now you will pay later. It’s certainly been established in my life if I don’t do traction I lose and if I don’t add weight to the gizmo what’s the point, it might feel like I’m getting by with something in the short run but not enough tension in the traction does little to keep these fingers moving. So go maintenance, in a world that seems to celebrate everything, I think you need your own holiday, your importance should not go unnoticed!

The stars align in the right order, then it snows!

Yep, I’m frustrated. Here goes my little traction rant and this happened the other day and I’m still ticked…….So I have my traction gig and sometimes when I’m finished, well, let’s just say, you know I dislike traction, but my back hates traction, it puts me out of life for days on end. Depending on its’ mood it really, really hates traction. But let’s say it’s in an ok mood today which is huge and it’s one of your off days from traction and the rest of you that feels like it’s falling apart is in a good place too. You’re excited you might actually get some things accomplished. Hands and fingers are working, check, neck not throbbing, check, back there but tolerable, check, numb foot, normal, check, numb leg, normal, check, a night’s sleep, unbelievable, yes, it’s true, check, numbness in face, none, check, wow, hurry, get out while you can, double-check list, oh yeah, dizziness from meds, nope, yipee, this really is a good day, triple check! And we’re off, showered, dressed, excited to feel “normal,” be like the folks that get up and go, ok, so let’s open that door, ooooh…the hand is cooperating so nicely today, wow, this is great……….now what is it that my eyes are seeing outside, closer look, it can’t be, not again, not on a day when I feel well enough to go out, NO………..SNOW………SH……………really, I mean REALLY, it’s all aligned for me today, I feel well enough to leave the house and it’s snowing, AGAIN! Jeez……

Life, see you in the Spring when all I have to worry about falling from the sky is rain and bird poop, can’t wait!

Chew on that

When you’re a kid gum is a big deal, you think about when you’ll be allowed to have it, how much will you get, what flavor will it be. At some point an adult tells you to close your mouth as you chew your long-awaited treat and it’s your first hint that maybe gum is not as exciting for everyone as you thought. When it gets stuck to your school uniform and your Mom is taking an ice-cube to your hideous plaid skirt you start to get a new look at gum. When a giant bubble bursts all over your face and tangles in your hair you can’t believe that gum can hurt. On a dare when you reach under the cafeteria table at lunch you have your first realization of the sheer horror of dead gum left behind. Somewhere over time you too begin to develop rules about gum.

I don’t care deeply about a lot of things. I save my energy and passion for what I believe are the big issues, anything else just doesn’t garner much of a fight from me or for that matter, even a strong opinion. I am the kind of person that picks their battles carefully, I don’t go out on a limb or strongly commit unless it’s huge for me. So where does the earth shattering topic of gum fall in all of this…..I think there should be a couple basic rules, when finished with your chewing sensation properly dispose of said gum, if you don’t know what that means, you probably shouldn’t be chewing it. No chewing in church, and that includes all funerals and weddings, no matter their location. Recently after watching the news the other day I’m now willing to add another location to the list. I have to admit it’s one that I never thought about before I saw it. I don’t think you should chew gum if you are on trial for murder. Or I guess maybe on trial for anything, but definitely not murder. For me, it’s hard to take a person seriously when they are chewing gum. I mean why bother to have a nice hair cut or a new outfit to impress the jury if you are chomping on gum. I’m not saying you’re a killer but it just isn’t right. Same as my feelings for just as you are about to say ‘I do,” I’d prefer you not be chewing gum or blowing a bubble. So on further close consideration I now think it’s best to keep gum out of the court room. In fact I’m willing to say, chew away in the class room, you’re a kid, but when or if you are ever on trial, NO CHEWING. I know I’m going out on a limb here, but I just thought this was worthy of amending my rules.

Ok, just some more thoughts while in traction that I know you can’t live without, carry on.

Did you say full body scan? (In honor of Pixie;-)

I’ve been thinking about all the hoopla over the TSA’s full body scans. I wonder what they can actually see, I mean is it sort of like a free CT or MRI? You know if the TSA agents were medically trained as well you could save such time and money! Just have them pass you a note when you’re in the seated area putting your shoes back on, “might want to get that spine looked at, looks like L5 is slipping a little.” Really, how convenient is that! Once you’ve seen your films up on the big screen at the doctor’s office there’s nothing to be shy about, actually it’s always nice to have a second opinion.

I’ve always felt the technicians know if there’s a problem but aren’t allowed to tell you what they see as soon as they pop you in the oven to bake, kind of like when they are extra nice you start to think, wow, I must be glowing inside there. I’ve always been so fortunate with all my technicians, so professional and kind. (here’s a little shout out to a great tech, Linda)

Well, posts don’t get much sillier than this, but think about it, the full body scan isn’t so bad, not only are you making sure the dude next to you isn’t packing a lead pipe it’s another opportunity for a liberating medical experience to see if all your parts are where they’re supposed to be. What’s not to love about that?