Hallelujah, Alleluia……really?

Listening to O filii et filiae sung by the choir of Notre Dame de Paris. Not a bad way to start this Holy Saturday, yeah, forget the traction part and just go with this music. Hope your weekend is everything you’d want it to be, the strife is over and even if it’s not, pretend.

As for my own Lenten challenge, I did ok, not great. I did read a heck of a lot and explored new topics that I previously knew nothing about, not sure how long I’ll remember any of it but I tried. I did dabble here and there in some of my other thoughts “to do more” but consistency is always an issue. Actually, the only thing I’m consistent at now is TRACTION! Anyhoo, even if the strife is far from over in your life celebrate what you can because if all you know is pain you’ll never know the opposite even if it hits you in the face.

Hang in there, that’s what I do and it works out ok. In the wise words of my friend Carl, “don’t ever, ever, ever give up.”

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Traction or Dentist?

Yep, fun day I get to do both today. My back has been driving me nuts more so than usual and then sitting in the lovely dentist chair as they clean my teeth this afternoon has me so excited. When you have to take narcotics to go to the dentist not because you’re having a root canal or they are firing up the drill when they see you coming but to be able to sit in the chair you know it’s going to be a long day. I would never say traction was fun or easy but I’d take it today over my back at the dentist.

Wish me luck.

UPDATE
Dentist (who happens to be a guy I went to elementary school with so we immediately both act 12 when we see each other) suggested I go home and take half of a vicodin and drink two martinis…..see why he’s my dentist. About half way thru the appointment my drugs did kick in so I survived and best of all, no cavities!

Traction Blackout

Nah, I didn’t faint while I was sitting in traction, nor did the rope snap over my head sending ten pounds of water flying. I’ve been doing my traction thing, just haven’t posted in a while because there wasn’t much to say. Not that I’ve ever had anything fascinating to type in this world of traction but recently I just didn’t find much that felt worthy of your time. Then I remembered my initial promise that nothing fancy or exciting would be happening here; the purpose of thoughtsintraction is to keep a fire under me and hold me accountable to sit here three times a week. To pull my neck so that it frees up some cervical space to ultimately allow these fingers to maintain their abilities. One look at me and you’d know I’ve been doing my part as my neck now looks like I could be a model for an offensive lineman’s helmet catalog, hey, here’s the latest chic cervical ensemble from the NFL, who knew?

So as a result of this lovely look I’m expanding my scarf collection; even though Summer is tugging at our flip-flops I plan to be wearing scarfs all season, hopefully in a breathable fabric, while eating apple pie, slicing watermelon, driving my Chevy and saluting the flag on the fourth with a very snappy star-spangled scarf around my super size neck. AND, if my collection excels and expands I hope to not only conceal at first glance the O Lineman’s neck, but secretly support all the screwedupness within.

Blackout lifted, fingers working, silly thoughts commence.

Trick or Treat

I was at the pharmacy this morning and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why a cowgirl was waiting on me, oops, that’s right, it’s Halloween. So I have several options for a costume this year. I think it’s a bit redundant if I go as a person with a crappy spinal column who sits in traction….I mean this get up is scary looking enough but it’s a bit boring. I need something jazzier. I saw a man jogging as he pushed his child in a stroller the other day, when the signal turned just as he was about to cross, he pulled the stroller back and dropped to the ground doing push ups while waiting for the light to change. Even if I didn’t sit in traction I don’t see myself going as a jogger, not being able to run is one thing but push ups at a stop light, wow, impressive. I thought about going as something trendy but I’m not one ounce trendy so why try to be on Halloween. I’ve always been impressed with the low-key costume choices of the character Jim Halpert on The Office. One year he taped black circles on his dress shirt and was “three whole punch Jim.” Another year he wore a name tag that said, “Dave” and last year he wrote B O O K across his face. I like the understated costume.

I think there should be some unwritten rule that if one person dresses up everyone does or no one should. That’s what threw me off today, the other pharmacist was dressed like everyday, with a look of “why did I draw the short straw and have to work on Sunday morning.” So bright and perky cowgirl felt sort of out-of-place, a bit random. But hey she gave me good pharmaceutical advice and on this Halloween that’s all I need. Who knows, maybe she knows something from her years at the rodeo that will cure me and next year I can go as a jogger.

The definition of traction

So which do you prefer? “The action of drawing a body, vehicle, train or the like, along a surface, as a road, track, railroad or waterway” or how about, “the act of drawing or pulling” but let’s not leave out “the deliberate and prolonged pulling of a muscle, organ, or the like, as by weights, to correct dislocation, relieve pressure, etc.”

BINGO, I think we have a winner!

It made me feel better to read the definition and cringe a little. When you read something that has the power to make you wince you figure it must be creepy for real and yeah, it is. I’m moaning and complaining, I’ve been trying not to do either but have I mentioned lately I’M SO SICK AND TIRED OF TRACTION and if I don’t do it I can’t feel my hands and I’m sick of that too!

Ok, moving on.

“It’s a good thing”

Nope, I haven’t been sniffing the Martha Stewart glue stick, nothing like that, rather I almost fell asleep in traction today! This is a first and I think “a good thing.” It means I was relaxed and yes, comfortable enough and obviously tired enough to fall asleep. I caught myself just as my head was about to fall off my neck, rather the sling around my head caught me and suddenly I’m back sitting as I should be, but it was a thrill while it lasted. Not to whine, but I can’t describe the discomfort I have felt while sitting here most of the time and to know that I actually was ok enough with sitting here today that I could fall asleep, this is HUGE.

Yeah, I think I’m kind of exhausted with my sleep issues to allow it to more easily happen but I’m focusing on the being comfortable enough to let it happen part.

Gotta find some nugget of good here cause I’ve been losing my psych of late. I mean if it wasn’t for this crazy blog I’d be really struggling with motivation. It’s just hard to find a way to make your self sit in traction when your damaged spinal column hates you for it. If you know of a way to make that a happy place, please share. But for today I’m hanging and almost falling asleep and taking it a day at a time.

I saw Santa driving a Buick

Could it be? I mean they’re already cramming Halloween down our throats and we know what’s next. The minute a leaf turns a faint color of anything besides green it’s somehow officially fall and then here comes Santa.

I’m tired. I’ve been tired lately and I thought at first it was because I switched a bunch of my medications, but now I just think I’m tired of a lot of things. I don’t want to be rushed. I really, really dislike being rushed. I walk with a limp and I can’t tell you the number of folks that hit the back of my shoes because they are literally at my heels. So I move over and let them pass, this happens almost every time I shop and oddly enough often as I exit church. Not sure where the fire is on Sundays but get out-of-the-way. So I walk slow because I have to now but I’m used to it, I’m okay with it, but the world is not. Have I mentioned I hate feeling rushed?

Yeah, and I saw a guy with the biggest Santa beard driving a Buick really fast. He looked perfect for the part and I wondered if he was growing it out for the role or if it’s his usual look. Yet I’m sure there are some dudes packing on the pounds claiming it’s all for art and soon will be applying for work at malls across the land, but I just want it to be September for now. Then comes the gorgeous, crisp fall with all the special things included in it. That’s as far ahead as I’m willing to go. Please, enough rushing. Being a slow poke I now embrace being pokey, you make do when you can’t feel your foot inside your shoe. Sometimes I walk with a cane, when I take a stroll I belong in the emergency lane with my blinkers on but so far I can’t find that path. Instead I hear some sighing, an occasional “excuse me” but mostly just feel my hair blowing as folks pass me by.

Really, unless it’s life or death or you really are Santa having confused a Buick for Rudolph, then what’s the hurry?

20 Minutes

It can be the worst 20 minutes or just 20 minutes. Every time I sit here I have a choice, I can make it more miserable than it sometimes feels or I can use my mind to psych myself up to push thru it. Today is hard, everything hurts more, my back, my neck, even my ear. I can’t seem to find a good rhythm to move the time. I usually have a routine, I initially sit here and just adjust to it, then I either pray or listen to music or read or just sit and think, hence……Thoughts in Traction……when I listen to music, I remember how long each song will last so I know how much time is left, some days the time passes faster, but today, right now 3:37 ticks away before my eyes and I want to scream but at the end I’ll hit replay and just hang on a bit longer.

Right now I’m reminded how much this sucks and how I wonder sometimes if I can keep doing traction. Then I realize I’m fooling myself to think I have a choice, yes, technically I have a choice but the results would be worse than the pain and discomfort of doing traction. I’m just feeling sorry for myself today, I just need to be able to hate this in this moment, it gives me a sense of control I really don’t have. I wish I never had to do this again but come two days from now, I’ll be back here again.