Category Archives: Random

Fall Fashion

by

Now granted, in the name of full disclosure I’m currently wearing a fuchsia colored polo with “Barbados” embroidered in the left corner, khaki pants and blue Vans, hardly a fashion plate. Perfect combination of laziness, comfort and bad taste. So in the last couple of days I’ve noticed others too are struggling with what to wear on transitional weather days. I saw a middle-aged man wearing a backpack over his shirtless tattooed torso, saw a young woman in a sequined black tank top pushing a stroller, saw a 40 something woman in hot pink shorts with “BEACH BUM” across her behind. But my favorite look was what appeared to be five-year old twins, one still hanging onto the last glimpse of summer in a floral sun dress with matching flip-flops as her sister chose jeans and a XXL gray hooded sweatshirt falling fashionably over her eyes.

So the most I know about what might be fashionable this upcoming season comes from the Today Show, borrow dark lipstick from a vampire and dress like you’re in an episode of Mad Men and you should be all set. I was thinking about a child I saw in Port-au-Prince, he had a shirt on that said, “my grandparents went to Ontario and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” or some catchy phrase like that. I remember thinking that shirt was a long way from Ontario or anyplace folks read English. What one person thinks is cute another finds essential. What one finds chic another finds a waste of time and money. I wish I had a better fashion sense, I know folks that do, you know who you are, but it’s not me. I’ll never wear something that was last seen on the runway in Milan, more like the back corner of Target.

Well, enough rambles for today, this sling around my head seems to match everything!

To do list in making a list (In honor of Mom, Min and Marie)

by

I love lists, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I instantly feel organized after I create one, even when most likely at that moment I’m the furthest thing from it. When I’m sitting in the waiting area for an appointment nothing pleases me more than to pull out a list and add notes. I’m a complete dork about adding notes and tweaking my list. Maybe it’s because even if you don’t do another thing you feel a sense of accomplishment because you compiled a list. It makes no sense but you can see how sitting here makes me want to create a list. Doesn’t matter what kind, grocery, daily chores, long-term projects, life goals, books I want to read because I think someone my age should have read them, places I want to visit near a spectacular view with something great to drink, you get the idea, it doesn’t take much……..doesn’t matter, it’s about MAKING the list. When it comes down to accomplishing the things on the list, well, sometimes I can’t even find my list to check things off. Sometimes there’s nothing to check off, sometimes I realize there is another list to make within my list. But it doesn’t matter because I know I have made an ideal list and while I’m working on getting to my list, I’m perfecting my list!

1st you need some time to yourself, check!
#2. a desire to make a list, check, check!
#3. something/anything to write on, (I’ve even used the back of a receipt at the bottom of my purse, it was that or a tissue) check!
#4. any task or idea you deem worthy of requiring a list, check!
#5. a writing tool, (lipstick has worked in a pinch,) check!
#6. great enthusiasm and a child like dream of accomplishing the list, check!
#7. realize need to create another list to better ready myself to accomplish the things on this list, check!

Well, that’s pretty much it. Just while I’m sitting here today I’ve made three lists. I’m removing my head from this contraption and I feel like Martha Stewart out of prison.

You just never know

by

So I swear, I’m minding my own business and waiting in line at the store and the clerk is laughing with two men in front of me. One of the guys was buying what appeared to be some beige foundation because apparently he had used his wife’s and she found out and made him replace the entire bottle. The clerk was an older woman and she teased the man that he won’t be so vain the next time to use his wife’s make up and he laughed and agreed. Then it was my turn and I put my stuff on the counter and she just starts chatting with me about men. How “some men are just like that” and how much her mother loved her father, “but he had to go cause he was a ho.” I looked up at her and I heard the word OH come out of my mouth.

She said, “yep, he was a ho until the day he died, I had a wonderful step mother too and she told me along with my own mother that he was a ho and now his son, my brother is a ho too, just love women way too much.” With that she handed me the bag of items I had purchased and I said, well, you just never know and walked away.

Speechless on several fronts…..

What was it that Michael Scott said, “then suddenly she ain’t your ho, no mo.”

Lady Gaga, venetian blinds and the moon.

by

For whatever reason this is what is in my head today. I saw a photo of Lady Gaga, she was wearing glasses that could easily pass for venetian blinds. Well, that’s about all I know about that but they were very funky shades! When I was a kid we had venetian blinds hanging at some windows. They were heavy and intense horizontal slats that made you feel like they could slice you in half if you got stuck under them. At night I would stand at the dining room window and look up a hill to see the moon, hoping I didn’t become entrapped by the blinds. They seemed like they had a life of their own and could suddenly clank themselves alive………of course the first thing venetian blinds with a pulse would do would be to attack and strangle me. Yet despite my irrational fear of these metal menaces I always felt like they were worth climbing under to catch a glimpse of the moon.

I was watching the moon last night and it looked just as wonderful as ever. My favorite coffee mug says “I love you to the moon and back.” Once when I was going to be living far away from my Mom we talked about how we could stay in touch. She told me that I should just look at the moon and know she was looking back, she’d be watching the moon out that same window.

Really, name something cooler than the moon…….nope, it’s not Lady Gaga’s glasses.

Was that a UFO in aisle 6?

by

Nope, just a little boy strapped into a cart hurling a bag of frozen peas at his brother, but when it comes to my grocery store you may wonder. It’s built on an old land fill and the surrounding property is swampy in a part of the world without many swamps. Yet, neither of those tidbits leads me to believe it’s inhibited by aliens, it’s just a unscientifically weird store. Yes, there’s a guy that no matter the season he’s singing a unique rendition of “Take me out to the ball game” as he bags the groceries. Yes, there’s an ever-changing flow of clerks leading you to believe they may be alien abductees. Yes, the fellow customers may make you wonder if they landed there departing a flying saucer AND yes, some of the folks smell like they’ve not been introduced to some earthly comforts. BUT, all in all it’s not any of those things in particular.

It’s just a goofy, quirky and at times, sad place. It’s a newer store but you’d never know it. It’s the kind of place that seems like the bread always falls off the truck. I’m not sure why I shop there except it is convenient but I easily have other options. I think I just have a fondness for it because it’s very real. There is no pretense in this place. You easily see various forms of authentic behavior exhibited in every aisle. It’s the furthest thing from alien, it’s a very human place.

Sometimes stores try to make the shopping experience something filled with escapism, like a fairy tale, that’s not happening here. Walking these aisles you’re not overcome by make-believe or lost in outer space in the freezer section. You see it all clearly here but you don’t need 3D glasses. I’m sure there are other grocery experiences like this in the world where people don’t have a lot of patience or luxuries. It’s just the kind of place that when you make that quick stop for milk and whatever you determine that day to be “essential” you often leave with much more, just not necessarily in your cart.

Side of selfish, better yet, supersize it!

by

I’m thinking about what happened when I was in line at the drive thru. This person went to incredible lengths to cut me off, nearly hit my car, seriously nearly hit my car. I am always initially dumbfounded that someone isn’t teasing when they do something so strikingly rude. I think any second they are about to turn around and say, “oh, that was a joke on you, got you!” But nope, there was no joke. Then I found myself getting angry, feeling like the guy had just done the worst thing. Then revenge kicked in, I wanted to get back at him. So I sat there and I thought what could I do and then the clerk was asking him if there was anything to add to his order, before I knew it these words were coming out of my mouth, I’m suddenly yelling, BE SURE AND GET YOUR SIDE OF SELFISH, BETTER YET, SUPERSIZE IT!! I was so proud of myself, totally smug, thought it was the most clever thing ever said in the history of drive thru.

Then the man gave me the opportunity to wonder who was acting like the bigger fool. He didn’t flinch at my words, not a look, not a frown, nothing, complete normalcy. I mean he’s good, he must have experience at this, ticking people off and then when they react, even yell at him he just lets them, no shrugging, no apology, nothing, water rolling off a duck’s back. So basically at this point all that happened is I looked like a nut yelling out of her car window, pointing at the man in front of her.

I started to think about my Dad. He was a polite man. Back in the day when you had an attendant pump your gas, unimaginable to him to display rudeness or demand attention, rather he’d pose it as a question, “please, fill it up with regular?” and always ended with, “thank you very much.” So if the dude in front of me never had the privilege of that kind of example then what’s the big deal? Maybe that can explain bad manners if it needs an explanation, which apparently in my brain today it does. Although, I think it might be more than that, I think he could care less, and where does that come from and I don’t have a clue how you would begin to hold a mirror up to him. Even if someone ever does I’m not sure he’d even care…..just steer clear of him girls, he’s a real catch…………wow, I’m being so cynical, this guy really did hit a nerve……one I can actually feel!

When it was my turn at the window the person that waited on me looked about as thrilled as anyone standing there all day waiting on polite folks like the guy ahead of me could be. So when he handed me my bag I said, I bet it’s hard to wait on people all day that order a supersize of selfish AND stupidity. He looked at me like he was so puzzled by what I just said and then busted out laughing, responding, “yes, it is.”

I have no happy ending to my supersize story here, just distracting myself sitting here with my head strapped in, wondering why it made me so mad to feel like the guy was being such a “checker” in line. The “how dare you” feeling really kicked in….it brought out the third grader in me and I wanted to yell at him, wanted to kick him. When was the last time I kicked something or some one, yeah, that will get ’em….. kick ’em with my leg I can feel, probably fall over doing it……. ok, on second thought. Well Mister in the big red van, I know you are out there and so far you’re winning. STUPID HEAD.

OK, now I feel better.

August

by

I suspect for most of us August signifies one thing, end of summer, “back to school.” To this day when I see such display signs in stores this time of year, along with stacks of notebooks boasting a price of five for a dollar and enough number two pencils for every man, woman and pet in America, along with the children really using them, well frankly at that moment my hands start sweating and I feel a bit dizzy. I’m overcome by the creepy aroma of erasers and the faint smell of industrial cleaners rattling around in the memories of my nasal cavity. I feel a weird need to raise my hand and ask permission to use the restroom, then I gratefully snap out of it, startled as if a nun just threw a piece of chalk at me and soon remember those days are long past.

Yet when you don’t have a lifestyle or work that has renewal dates built into the calendar you wonder what you’re missing. How do you restart, recharge, renew if it’s not a “back to something” time of the year for you? It’s simply just August. It’s hot, lawns are dying, cicadas are buzzing, pumpkins look premature. As I spend my time in traction today I’m challenging myself to look at August with new eyes. I shouldn’t have a built-in hate of the season, I’m not busying myself with “to do lists,” I’m not headed anywhere in particular, I don’t need a crisp new hideously plaid uniform or a backpack that screams, ‘can I sit next to you?’

Rather for me August now quietly leads to September which leads to welcomed cooler days and bluer skies in my part of the world. August is the eighth month in a twelve month calendar, it’s not the end nor the beginning, it’s just August. Lots of people I love have birthdays in August, Leos and Virgos……. some of my favorite folks. So I have to stop dissing August, it’s done nothing to me. It’s just a month that spells change to some, but any month or any week or any day can do that.

I need to walk through the stores and smile at a wall full of protractors, stop wondering if there’s a better use for a bevel protractor than poking somebody’s eye out. Work on letting go of how we blew our noses before each child brought a 250 count box to school to last the year. Believe there is a child alive that enthusiastically eats mixed vegetables with pizza. Recognize and accept there are kids out there that are contentedly counting the days until the return to school, they are eagerly awaiting the sight of the bus…..they are the future bloggers of the world!

Leave August alone I say, it’s a perfectly fine month. It may just become my fav month……….nah, probably not.

Password, smashword

by

Ok, so I’m not off to such a great start…confession, I lost, misplaced, forgot, fill in the blank…….I couldn’t sign back on to my own blog because I couldn’t remember my password! Wow, I’m glad I posted that for all the world to read. Yikes, so far I’m coming off really well.

Hey, I’ve got some news, I can move from a DAILY cervical traction schedule to THREE times a week, yipee…I think I’ll go for a MWF schedule. Always liked those classes in college best, those Tuesday/Thursday classes just “hung” on a bit too long, gosh, who knew there were so many bad traction jokes…..ok, so I’m signing off today…….in the words of Jim Halpert, “I’m boring myself just talking about it.”