Category Archives: Random

If Life gives you lemons……

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We’ve all heard that saying, how to make the best of a bad situation, well today I heard a child trying to do just that. A Mom and her two daughters were shopping in the same aisle as I was and one of the girls asked their Mom what something was, the Mom responded, “That’s coal, it’s a lump of coal. It’s what Santa leaves for bad boys and girls, for kids that misbehave like you and your sister…. and, if you and your sister don’t start acting better you’re only getting coal for Christmas!” The child stood there quietly as if she was deeply contemplating what her Mother had just said and then she asked, “Mom, can you eat coal?”

I did my best to keep my laughter to myself because the Mom looked at me with a look of, “if you laugh, you’ll get coal too!” So I turned away from them and tried hard to remain quiet but just then the little girl walked over to me and said, “Hi.” I wanted to say, you are one awesome girl but I thought the Mom might hit me as she had just threatened to hit the other child, so I smiled and said hi back and left the aisle.

I started to think though about how we have all this stuff we tell children and this child basically said, hey, if coal is all I get then I’ll make do, I’ll make coal lemonade. So today sitting here strapped in I’m making traction lemonade and it’s not so bad.

‘Tis the Season

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I’d been home from Haiti for about two days, it was 92 degrees when I departed Port-au-Prince and 17 degrees when I landed at my final destination in the States, actually the temperature was the least of the extremes I felt. The next day I was driving for the first time in months and repeatedly heard this jingle on the radio for a jewelry store advertising the fulfillment of the NEED for the perfect Christmas gift, a diamond. Even though it’s been a while since I’ve returned from Haiti every year at this time I try to recall how ridiculous that commercial sounded to my ears. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season, the temptation that the perfect gift is just around the corner. THE thing to make someone happy is within our grasp. that we actually NEED stuff, beyond air, water, shelter, food and love.

How does a couple of verses of the right holiday tune transport me into a shopping machine, on a mission to purchase happiness in a store. It’s just so easy to get caught up, or to cave in, to be so tired I just grab anything because I must have something wrapped for that someone I’ll exchange a gift with that neither of us will ever NEED or probably use. Every year I feel the same way and every year I vow to not catch the bug that makes me feel like Scrooge if I don’t spend money on stuff. I left the community of Turgeau at dawn that December morning watching children carry five gallons of water on their heads and within 10 hours was nestled in the land of plenty with hot water endlessly flowing. Years later it pretty much only takes a Bing Crosby tune within ear shot to make me feel melancholy enough to open my wallet for the umpteenth time to buy something, anything to complete the list. My wish is that this year I’ll remember what is truly valuable when I’m a tired and desperate shopper. None of it, none of it is what it’s all about and once again I’m hoping this season to not forget that I have all that I’ll ever need.

I know friends still living in tents in Haiti months after the earthquake. Folks whose lives were devastated by the earthquake and that didn’t have many material possessions to start with. There is true need out there this Christmas and let me not confuse the difference.

Did you say full body scan? (In honor of Pixie;-)

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I’ve been thinking about all the hoopla over the TSA’s full body scans. I wonder what they can actually see, I mean is it sort of like a free CT or MRI? You know if the TSA agents were medically trained as well you could save such time and money! Just have them pass you a note when you’re in the seated area putting your shoes back on, “might want to get that spine looked at, looks like L5 is slipping a little.” Really, how convenient is that! Once you’ve seen your films up on the big screen at the doctor’s office there’s nothing to be shy about, actually it’s always nice to have a second opinion.

I’ve always felt the technicians know if there’s a problem but aren’t allowed to tell you what they see as soon as they pop you in the oven to bake, kind of like when they are extra nice you start to think, wow, I must be glowing inside there. I’ve always been so fortunate with all my technicians, so professional and kind. (here’s a little shout out to a great tech, Linda)

Well, posts don’t get much sillier than this, but think about it, the full body scan isn’t so bad, not only are you making sure the dude next to you isn’t packing a lead pipe it’s another opportunity for a liberating medical experience to see if all your parts are where they’re supposed to be. What’s not to love about that?

Titleless/Mindless

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There’s a new store that opened today in my neighborhood. It’s kind of funny how much people seem to enjoy checking out something new, like they’re going to find something exciting or different. I’m not sure why that is. It’s a chain store so to me that makes it all the more funny, you can drive about two miles down the road and find the identical store. Yet that doesn’t stop folks from pulling up in droves. I guess we like new, and we are a nosey bunch. I mean if we weren’t would there ever be a followup accident after the first because of gawking or rubbernecking. We just like to get a good look at things. Curiosity is a fine thing to have plenty of I guess, but noseyness is one of my greatest pet peeves. I ran into a woman yesterday that I haven’t seen in probably fifteen years. I would have never recognized her and I’m still not sure I remember any details of working with her but she fired off three rather personal questions within 30 seconds of saying hello. I just never dream of asking people anything other than how are you doing? I care how you are doing, I don’t care what you are doing or who you are doing it with unless you’d like to tell me or any anything else for that matter, otherwise it’s NONE of my business. I once stayed at a retreat house in Canada that had retreatants from all over the world. The one rule at meal time was you were not permitted to ask any questions of each other. I loved the place. It’s amazing what you can talk about when you can’t ask questions. You were free to volunteer any information you’d like, but no questions. The point was you came there to reflect and be alone, you only had to offer what you felt like offering. I’m not sure how my rambles led me here today but on this cold and first taste of winter kind of day I’m sitting here almost finished with traction and I think I have a case of the grumps cause my skin still feels itchy.

The music is coming to an end so that’s my cue that time’s up, it took me three tries to get strapped in today, my unfocused thoughts even led me to not being able to easily set up something as routine as traction. Thanks for helping me pass the time once again.

Trick or Treat

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I was at the pharmacy this morning and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why a cowgirl was waiting on me, oops, that’s right, it’s Halloween. So I have several options for a costume this year. I think it’s a bit redundant if I go as a person with a crappy spinal column who sits in traction….I mean this get up is scary looking enough but it’s a bit boring. I need something jazzier. I saw a man jogging as he pushed his child in a stroller the other day, when the signal turned just as he was about to cross, he pulled the stroller back and dropped to the ground doing push ups while waiting for the light to change. Even if I didn’t sit in traction I don’t see myself going as a jogger, not being able to run is one thing but push ups at a stop light, wow, impressive. I thought about going as something trendy but I’m not one ounce trendy so why try to be on Halloween. I’ve always been impressed with the low-key costume choices of the character Jim Halpert on The Office. One year he taped black circles on his dress shirt and was “three whole punch Jim.” Another year he wore a name tag that said, “Dave” and last year he wrote B O O K across his face. I like the understated costume.

I think there should be some unwritten rule that if one person dresses up everyone does or no one should. That’s what threw me off today, the other pharmacist was dressed like everyday, with a look of “why did I draw the short straw and have to work on Sunday morning.” So bright and perky cowgirl felt sort of out-of-place, a bit random. But hey she gave me good pharmaceutical advice and on this Halloween that’s all I need. Who knows, maybe she knows something from her years at the rodeo that will cure me and next year I can go as a jogger.

Tune worthy, swoon worthy

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Strapped in listening to The Glenn Miller Orchestra play Moonlight Serenade. If this song doesn’t soothe you not sure what will.

Here goes, confessions of a girl strapped in traction……….. love Glenn Miller, love Jimmy Stewart, who by the way played Glenn Miller in the movie, The Glenn Miller Story, and love John Krasinski, this generation’s tall and lanky dude. Love is maybe too strong a word, but maybe not.

Ok, confession time over and so is the song, but if you don’t know what I’m talking about click out of here and do yourself a favor, go to YouTube, search Moonlight Serenade, close your eyes and listen…..hurry, go now.

Animal Planet

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You’ve heard of pet therapy, well as I sit here in traction I think it might be nice to have something fluffy to hold onto, perhaps a furry little kitten or a cuddly puppy. For me though I actually think that’s a dream or maybe a nightmare. When we moved out of my childhood home I found a dog collar in the garage, let’s just say, I don’t ever remember having a dog. The days of having a Rover around the house were part of an unspeakable pet past.

A friend once asked me to keep an eye on her cat while she was out-of-town, to stop in each day and put out some food. I asked her if I’d have to bathe the kitty and she responded with a sigh and then said, “you weren’t kidding when you said you knew NOTHING about pets!” Why would I lie about such a thing?

My pet stories are all tragic and true. I had a canary named Simon, after the 10th time my Mom had asked me to clean out his cage she placed him on the back porch and told me that’s where I’d find him until his home was clean. So hours later I stroll my 12-year-old self out there and pick up his cage to say hello and out he flies from the bottom of his living quarters that I suddenly realized was now missing its’ tray. As he flew to the woods behind our house I screamed and my Mom came running. She consoled me with the reassuring words that we lived close to an interstate and before I knew it he’d be far south and living in sunny Florida. (You gotta love the stuff that Mothers come up with on the fly) Although it was trickier for her to smooth over the next year when the wolf dog next door tried to make Simon II into the blue plate special, Simon the sequel headed to birdie heaven within 24 hours.

I had so many fish swim to aquatic heaven I lost count, even a stray cat we named Tigger gave up on us. But the story that lives forever in my SPCA hit list life is my little turtle. He was about ten days old, didn’t even have a name yet, we returned home and couldn’t find him in his terrarium. Wasn’t hard to immediately notice turtle was not in his glass home and nowhere to be found. When one of my brothers offered to help find him I desperately accepted. Within minutes the sound of the crunch shook the room…….yep, big bro accidentally squished turtle under his Chuck Taylors into a little pile of oozing turtle guts and simultaneously burned the desire for further pets forever from my heart.

My Mom quickly announced her term as pet grandmother was over. She was retiring the role and I believe still recovering from the dog incident from ten years earlier. Apparently an elderly neighbor had said our dog “snapped” at him and my brothers were told their doggie was going to a “beautiful farm to run free”…when my eldest brother figured it out sometime later he never let them forget Buck’s euthanasia.

It’s kind of like God sent our family a memo that said, “Look, but please don’t touch.” So as I sit here today I’m thinking about my first Simon who flew south, picturing his little yellow self flying in and out of his time share in Boca Rotan. Soaring high over an ocean filled with all my guppies and goldfish. Not being a “pet person” is one thing but to be a danger to them is an unsettling other matter. I think once you realize you aren’t good at pet care there’s no coming back. Don’t get me wrong I’m the first girl to appreciate nature, but it has to be from a safe distance for all involved. So instead of trying pet therapy I’ll just squeeze this fluffy pillow as my neck hangs in traction and know by doing so I’m actually saving a Spot or Sprinkles life.

I saw Santa driving a Buick

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Could it be? I mean they’re already cramming Halloween down our throats and we know what’s next. The minute a leaf turns a faint color of anything besides green it’s somehow officially fall and then here comes Santa.

I’m tired. I’ve been tired lately and I thought at first it was because I switched a bunch of my medications, but now I just think I’m tired of a lot of things. I don’t want to be rushed. I really, really dislike being rushed. I walk with a limp and I can’t tell you the number of folks that hit the back of my shoes because they are literally at my heels. So I move over and let them pass, this happens almost every time I shop and oddly enough often as I exit church. Not sure where the fire is on Sundays but get out-of-the-way. So I walk slow because I have to now but I’m used to it, I’m okay with it, but the world is not. Have I mentioned I hate feeling rushed?

Yeah, and I saw a guy with the biggest Santa beard driving a Buick really fast. He looked perfect for the part and I wondered if he was growing it out for the role or if it’s his usual look. Yet I’m sure there are some dudes packing on the pounds claiming it’s all for art and soon will be applying for work at malls across the land, but I just want it to be September for now. Then comes the gorgeous, crisp fall with all the special things included in it. That’s as far ahead as I’m willing to go. Please, enough rushing. Being a slow poke I now embrace being pokey, you make do when you can’t feel your foot inside your shoe. Sometimes I walk with a cane, when I take a stroll I belong in the emergency lane with my blinkers on but so far I can’t find that path. Instead I hear some sighing, an occasional “excuse me” but mostly just feel my hair blowing as folks pass me by.

Really, unless it’s life or death or you really are Santa having confused a Buick for Rudolph, then what’s the hurry?

Is that a sink hole?

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I think I might have a sink hole in my back yard. If I put on my glasses I’d be able to give you details about that, let’s just say I need to put my glasses on more often. I’ve been blessed my entire life with excellent vision, but lately my eyes have been a little blurry and it’s amazing if you put those glasses on you can see so nicely. But I’m not going to wear my glasses in traction, that’s like wearing your glasses on a ride at an amusement park, it’s just asking for trouble. So I don’t put them on when I get up because I’m not accustomed to wearing them and then I do traction and the next thing I know I’m looking out the back window and I think I have a growing sink hole and I can’t find my glasses! This could be the most exciting thing to happen in my backyard EVER.

As for keeping up with my glasses I’m tempted to get one of those strings but I knew a person once who wore one around their neck and they were a combination of kind of mean and a little too pretentious for my taste and I’m concerned about cross contamination. Plus the thought of putting anything around my neck EXCEPT a scarf with a built-in heating pad really isn’t appealing. Visualize the Pillsbury Dough Boy wearing a scarf, something that would match his gentle doughy neck, that would work perfectly for me. When it comes to what I want to touch my neck I’m “light and fluffy” all the way. The oxygen it seems is officially being restricted since I’ve now compared part of my body to a crescent roll and it feels like a fairly accurate description.

Ok, this is where my head is today, as for my glasses, on second thought maybe they’re in the sink hole.
I’ll keep you posted.

How do you spell snooki?

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So I was thinking, who the H E double L is snooki? Why do we care who she is or is it just people of a certain millenium that do. I’m officially drawing the line at snooki, (by the way, am I spelling that correctly, I hope not.) Ok, Paris, Lindsey, Brittany, we’ve put up with a lot and now, Snooki! Please, please, someone make it STOP!!

I mean I’m not solving world peace here with this get up strapped to my head but at least I think about it once in a while. Jeez……Snooki, really, is she the best we can do?
Please, please, please, someone make it stop. Make us know how to spell, be able to pick out countries on a map and name our state representatives BEFORE we know who the H E double hockey sticks Snooki is! Heck, I’d even settle for knowing how to properly open a bag of chips to prevent them from flying thru the room, anything, anything is better.

Ok, taking off this harness from around my head and jumping off the soap box, well, not really, I don’t jump anymore, maybe Snooki does though.