This is new, have never done traction after I’ve gone to bed for the night and then wake up and can’t go back to sleep. Traction is traction but I’ve never done it when it feels like everyone else is sleeping. Insomnia is not your friend. You know when you can’t sleep in the middle of the night you try all the old reliables, reading, something to drink, watching tv, if none of that works you probably wouldn’t next think, well, there’s always traction. But hey, that’s my life and I’m sticking to it. Happy sleeping world, I’m jealous, nighty night.
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Well, that never happened before!
I almost did traction twice in one day! It may have been in part because I was tired and forgot I had done it earlier in the day BUT it was really because I WANTED to……yep, even harder for me to believe. I wasn’t feeling well and I found myself headed for traction because I thought it would help and also had the thought in my head, that’s not so bad, maybe it will help make me feel better. Woah, just the mere thought that traction and some sense of relief or comfort are in the same sentence just goes to show anything is possible…to go from something I dreaded, so hated to a “comfort” zone, crazy, absolutely crazy……..life is so unpredictable, just goes to show if you just “hang on” long enough anything really is possible! Not saying I’m going to start everyday of my life sitting here with a smile but wow, we’ve come a long way baby!
Pinched without pain
I pinched my index finger today and didn’t know it, may have been pinched for five minutes or more. When I finally noticed I quickly freed it but once again I was reminded it’s not normal to not feel your finger being pinched. Eventually I had some feeling like you should expect to have if you’ve deprived your finger of some blood flow but overall it wasn’t what you should feel to warn yourself that something is up. Pain can be a good thing I was reminded today, a warning to help yourself, to stop further injury, a red flag, but for me I live with chronic pain and then the pain you need to help I can’t feel! So I thought I’d throw in an extra traction today and hopefully between the traction and the typing I’ll get a little more feeling back in the fingers. So weird.
Hanging In
I’ve suddenly come up with a nasty cough, sort of sounds like a two packs a day kind of cough, but I swear that’s not me. I’ve had more colds this winter than I’ve had in the last five winters, what’s up with that?
Anyhoo, there’s light at the end of the tunnel, life marches on, March is on its way and I’m hanging in. That’s the absolute key to it all, don’t let it get you, you can moan and vent but perseverance is the answer. Courage, love and conviction will see you thru just about anything. Song of the day, Jimmy Durante’s ‘Make Someone Happy,’ not a bad way to live……on my third listen and haven’t found a reason to stop.
Off kilter
Yikes, things are not feeling good today, can’t seem to get in the groove, it just hurts, a lot. It’s weird how it has been going so well lately, so routine. Even at times I’m distracted enough that my mind goes anywhere and everywhere. I apologize to you for that, I know it does. Trying to follow my train of thoughts while I’m strapped in here is like trying to follow a run away train, only I’m much slower, but eventually building up to make a point and then very likely falling off the tracks. Yet today it just hurts too much to think, talk or type. I’ll catch you next time, I’m just going to concentrate on breathing and pushing thru this not good feeling. Not sure I needed this reality check, traction is tolerable, but not fun.
Back in Business
My computer died on me so I’ve been out of commission for a few days but all is well now. I’m not sure I like to admit that I’m now that person that feels out of sorts without a working computer in their life. Not sure when that happened but it’s weird to think of how many times I reached for it only to remember, nope, not working.
And as for this traction gig, I missed my routine with the computer to get me thru the twenty minutes. I moaned how I had to keep my thoughts while in traction to myself! It’s kind of crazy how much I’ve grown to depend on the process, and then there’s the practical side, even something as simple as looking for a zip code you’d have thought the world had ended because I couldn’t search for it on-line.
I’ve tried to blame it on the doldrums of January and the constant color of the sky that resembles dirty snow but I think it’s more than that, I mean for pete sake for the walls to feel like they’re closing in because I can’t type on the computer, yikes, I’m addicted. Along with all my other health issues, now I have to recognize and admit that I’m addicted to my laptop. Where do you go for that meeting?
Ok, before I look that up on-line I’m going to just be happy for a second. I once again have the world at my fingertips while I’m sitting here in traction and that feels good. I like that connection, I embrace that connection. If that means I’m relying too much on the internet in my life I may just have to say, yes Dr. Phil, I’ve substituted my television addiction, that’s where I am right now, sorry, gotta go check email.
Mirror, mirror on the wall…..
Did you ever catch your reflection in a mirror and not recognize yourself? I’ve had that experience before while shopping, I look up in the chrome of a clothing rack and think who’s that, only to realize seconds later that its me! My hair will have fallen differently than I wear it or my face has a look I’m not used to seeing on myself and then I’m surprised at the image I see reflecting back. Today I saw a quick glimpse of my head reflecting in the screen on the computer, I’ve not seen myself in traction and I was a bit taken aback at how odd it looks. My face had a rather blank look and my hair is pushed back with the straps of the gizmo wrapped around. I looked like a person in an advertisement for a neck traction device, very serious, very official. That strikes me funny because that doesn’t feel like me at all, but maybe on some level I take this traction business very seriously. I guess the fact that I’m sticking with it indicates that I have some level of commitment to it and I know that without it I’d probably not be able to type this. So recognize me or not I’m sitting here looking back.
Feeling groovy, but not.
I’ve been in the groove lately with traction. I feel like I’m really in a manageable routine and even though it’s uncomfortable and tedious and sometimes a bit too much on the painful side I’m really doing ok with it. For the first time I’m allowing myself to even think ahead a week or two and believing, I can do this. Looking back if someone had told me that I’d be so “ok” with it, so compliant with traction I wouldn’t have dreamed it, yet now that I am, it’s so freeing.
BUT, (why is there always a but, anyway)can I tell you my new thought, rather new fear, it’s that I’ll be all content in accepting this, rather than resigned to it, I’ll be as fine as I think a person can be who straps their head and neck in traction several times a week and yet, it will stop working. I’m not sure if this is an irrational fear. It’s just lately the more I do traction the more it feels like I’ve plateaued. The clerk at the pharmacy had to come out from behind the counter to push the key pad for me since my touch wouldn’t push the machine to the next step, yeah, the tired fellow customers in line where real happy about the delay in that moment too, like what’s with the chick who can’t figure out how to use the key pad. Oh and let me tell ya, there was this moment the other day when I couldn’t hit the digits with enough pressure to turn off the security alarm. That got my attention, probably the next door neighbor’s too, definitely got the attention of the alarm company but fortunately not the police’s.
So the new year could prove as interesting as ever but my wish is not to get too far ahead of myself in the fear department, to just take this all as it comes. Like I began this post, I wouldn’t have believed I could come this far with my attitude, or rather to this place in “Thoughts In Traction” as I have, so maybe I shouldn’t terrorize myself with the “what if’s” just yet. Instead I’d rather think of the new career possibilities, just think how “useful” I could be to someone if I develop the skill of not leaving fingerprints!
So I’ll leave you with a cliffhanger, stayed tuned, will I use my new skill for GOOD or EVIL?
Only time will tell.
Thanksgiving Traction
There is no holiday for traction and here we are on Turkey day. Thinking about all there is to do today and how much I need these fingers to keep working, hence, traction on Turkey day. I’ve come a long way with my attitude about this gizmo I’m sitting in and that alone is certainly something to be thankful for. I now accept it as part of my life and whether it’s Thanksgiving or the Easter bunny’s hopping down the bunny trail I’ll be working traction into my holiday schedules. I’ve often thought if I amount to nothing else in this life at least I want to be a person who has a sense of gratitude. Much of “my” life plans at this age and stage have been altered by the circumstances of my health but I have been given and received so much. I have such a good and wonderful life, I’ve been enormously blessed. I’ve experienced a truly miserable day as well as an extraordinarily wonderful one. I can appreciate the difference and respect both. I’m beyond a lucky girl and as I sit here today I certainly know it and if I could do a turkey dance I would. Have a happy, grateful day celebrating whatever circumstances you find yourself in today. Gobble, gobble!
Neck trac gets press
Just happened to catch a bit on Jay Leno last night about the ‘neck trac,’ it was included in a segment he does called “news headlines.” The photo Leno showed was an inexpensive model of the more sophisticated gizmo called Neck Trac but still supposedly achieves a similar result. It’s a portable, “on the go” traction verse the kind that I’m sitting here doing, which is ultimately “hanging” from a doorway.
From the photo he showed there’s about four or five rubber tubes around your neck and it comes with a pump that you squeeze to obtain the optimum pressure. When the audience laughed at how silly it looked it was validation that at times this whole neck traction thing is a bit ridiculous and if it didn’t work I’d be laughing too.
Jay introduced the “news” clipping by saying “this is what you can do when your neck is sore or stiff, which we’ve all felt.” True enough, but I really don’t think your average pains in the neck would find their solution in traction.
Anyway, it felt like a celebrity sighting.
Thoughts In Traction.... 